August 11, 2006 - Clip Stream J.C. calls Ian Punnett for the first time.
Ian: "And on the the First Time Caller line, uh, this is J.C., on Coast to Coast AM. Hey, J.C., what are you-"
J.C.: "Yes! Ian! My son! w- I wanna touch on something you said earlier, and I'm gonna also I'll- I'll wanna talk
about the security issues, but I gotta warn ya n- not to do the interview with The Book of the Dead. And first of all,
its a satanic influence. And,- and I'm tellin' ya right now, The Book of the Dead's real name, Notorum Demento,
they didn't even give you the real name: Necronomicon Exmortis! And it's representing.."
Ian: "Wait, wait! Dr.- Dr. Demento?!"
J.C.: "Excuse me- No! Notorum! Notorum Demento! Its a- there's two names to it.."
Ian: "Is that Dr.-"
J.C.: "..or Necronomicon Exmortis; The Book of the Dead. Now listen. Ian, son.."
Ian: "No, wait, is that..?
J.C.: "Now, Ian, I know you're tryin'.."
Ian: "..No relat- No-.."
J.C.: "I know you're tryin' to love the Lord!"
Ian: "No relation to Dr. Demento, then?
J.C.: "Huh- a- No! Dr. Demento is a Devil! And I want- I'm here to.."
Ian: "Dr. Demento is the Devil?!"
J.C.: "..deliver you from the Devil's Mouthpiece, Art Bell!"
Ian: "Wait! Wait! Dr. Demento is the Devil! Did I hear you just say-"
J.C. :"No! No! He is not THE Devil! He is A devil!"
Ian: "Dr. Demento is a devil!?
J.C.: "He is a demon; a devil!"
Ian: "Why?
J.C.: "H- H- Him, Stephen King, Tess Gerritsen, and Art Bell were among the original Satan- they were the first
angels to take up with Satan against God! They are- That's the demons that are runnin' them!.."
Ian: "Did you say-"
J.C.: "And I'm gonna tell ya, I think you're a good boy; I think you're a good boy. I think you've got the right ideas.."
Ian: "Thank you.."
J.C.: "..but Art and George have corrupted you! You're runnin' with a bad crowd, and I am here to save you!.."
Ian: "I've been corrupted?"
J.C.: "..I am here to deliver you from the Devil's Mouthpiece!"
Ian: "Okay, well, how- How have I been corrupted? Have you ever called the show before?"
J.C.: "I- I- Yes! I have called for many years trying to deliver America and called to make America safer! First
of all, I.."
Ian: "Why did you- W- Why did you- Why did you call on the First Time Caller Line, then?"
J.C.: "Well, I don't know. Because its the first time I've ever called you!"
Ian: "Oh, I see."
J.C.: "We, you know, we're safer if we don't have tapes on a plane! We're safer if we don't have pornography
on a plane! We're safer if we take pornography out of our society! I'm tellin ya, God had put us up against an
enemy that is more biblically correct than we are! They know how to treat their women. Cover them.."
Ian: "Wait! Wait! Wait! You're going too fast!
J.C.: "Keep them quiet. Keep them back!"
Ian: "Hang on Foghorn Leghorn!"
J.C.: "Excuse me?!"
Ian: "You're goin' faster than I can handle it!"
J.C.: "Listen! Ian!.."
Ian: "I can't- I'm trying to go with you-.."
J.C.: "..I know.."
Ian: "Wait! Wait! I'm trying to go with you here, but you gotta help me.."
J.C.: "I'm tellin' ya.."
Ian: "I'm good with them taking porno mags off plane.."
J.C.: "Yes! Take them off!"
Ian: "..I didn't even know that anybody had porno mags on a plane. But if they have, take that off.."
J.C.: "And- And the liquids?!"
Ian: "But how are we safer if we take the Cheerios away from toddlers? There is nothing more.."
J.C.: "Let me tell you what- Just how its safer!"
Ian: "Wait! Wait! Wait!"
J.C.: "When people bring on alcohol and they get drunk and they grab at the waitresses' bottoms, they can
disrupt things! And that's the problem!"
Ian: "Okay, but hold on! I see- I'm all with ya- Let's not give alcohol to toddlers, but can't we give Cheerios to
toddlers? I mean, there's nothing more.."
J.C.: "No!"
Ian: "Why ca-"
J.C.: "Listen! Ian!"
Ian: "There's nothing more demonic than a toddler without Cheerios!"
J.C.: "Cheerios?! Cheerios are gluttony! They're sugarous! Its part of that sugary cereal! Get's you addicted
to sugar!.."
Ian: "Okay."
J.C.: "..Makes you go crazy! Now listen!"
Ian: "Cheerios are gluttonous."
J.C.: "Yes!"
Ian: (laughs) "I just wanna write this down now!.."
J.C.: "Ian! I'm trying not to talk idle talk with you!"
Ian: (laughs) Cheerios are gluttonous!"
J.C.: "I'm trying to talk about the Lord; about our Biblically big enemy that we have- is that we're Biblically
correct.."
Ian: "But! But! What i- If Cheerios are gluttonous. Wait! J.C.!"
J.C.: "Excuse me?!"
Ian: "If Cheerios are gluttonous.."
J.C.: "Yes!"
Ian: "..What do you eat? Like, Space Sticks? I mean, what do you- How do you-.."
J.C.: "Excuse me?! Space what?!"
Ian: "How do you- what-.."
J.C.: "What?"
Ian: "Where do you get your nutrition from?
J.C.: "Cabbage! Boiled beef!.."
Ian: "I mean, if Cheerios are gluttonous!"
J.C.: "..Boiled Beef; cabbage; potatoes- You don't need to eat all this fatty food..."
Ian: "All right.."
J.C.: "And everything that people are givin' at ya- Its all from the Devil!"
Ian: "..Then stop right there."
J.C.: "Listen! Food Porn!"
Ian: "Can we give boiled cabbage to- Can we give boiled cabbage to toddlers on a flight? Would that be okay?"
J.C.: "No! Becau- Listen! Toddlers and women shouldn't BE on flights! They should be at home doing the
cooking, cleaning, and kitchen, like I've said so many times before! That's where women belong! They
belong at home! This is why God is attacking and punishing our nation is because we have women out of line!
We have pornographers everywhere! Food and Big Macs! You're talkin' these are the reasons! America
can be safer if we get back to the Bible! Back to basics!"
Ian: (quietly laughing) "Okay I'm just writing this all down!.."
J.C.: "..Back to- Back to basics!"
Ian: "Dr. Demento is the Devil.."
J.C.: "Dr. Demento is of the Devil."
Ian: "..Cheerios is gluttony.."
J.C.: "Yes!
Ian: "And, uh.."
J.C.: "Do you have a pen?"
Ian: "I'm writing 'em all down.."
J.C.: "Alright!"
Ian: "..I'm getting 'em all."
J.C.: "Ian! I think-"
Ian: "And toddlers shouldn't be on planes 'cause they- they should be at home. Okay, go ahead."
J.C.: "Yes! With their mothers! And doing motherly things! Not riding planes!"
Ian: "Not- Not on planes.. "
J.C.: "That's a men's- That's for men to have!"
Ian: "Drinkin' alcohol and lookin' at pornography.."
J.C.: "Excuse me?!"
Ian: "That men should be on the planes drinkin'.."
J.C.: "Ian!"
Ian: "..and lookin at pornography!"
J.C.: "You-"
Ian: "That's what you're saying!"
J.C.: "Listen! No! No! No! Listen! Le- y- okay- You claim to be a Bible scholar, don't you? Have you read-"
Ian: "I've- I've read the Bible a little bit, yeah, I have."
J.C.: "S'cuse me? You've read the Bible a few times? Yeah? Okay.."
Ian: "Yeah, I've read it a couple times. Yeah."
J.C.: "Have you read the New Revelation? Because I'm the one who got God to come out of retirement to write a
new book!"
Ian: "Oh, did you?"
J.C.: "That's ME!"
Ian: "God came out of retirement, did he? Where was God?"
J.C.: "I told God, 'I know you said you weren't gonna write again, but you're good! And we need you!'-"
Ian: (laughs) "God was waiting for that word!"
J.C.: "-'I'm tellin' ya right now, America- America, which is God's chosen people; we're the true chosen people!
We need ya! We need ya to come out of retirement and bring down some new authority upon us! We need
guidance!'"
Ian: "And what's the name of God's new book?"
J.C.: "Excuse me?"
Ian: "What's the name of- What's the name of God's new book?"
J.C.: "It's called the New Revelation and the New Commandments..."
Ian: "And its written by God..?!"
J.C.: "We are writing it together."
Ian: "You're writing it together..?!"
J.C.: "Yeah. God and I."
Ian: "Okay, so- As you say like, 'By God but as told to J.C.?' Is that the idea?"
J.C.: "Yes! Exactly!.."
Ian: (laughs) "Okay."
J.C.: "Ian! You've seen the bigger picture here! I could bring you on board! I could- my- I- We've got to do it!
We've got to get together and take over the show! And- And-.."
Ian: "Oh, there's no hope for me."
J.C.: "I'll be- I'll be the host! And- and- You can- You can- You can be- You can take away Ross Mitchell's job.."
Ian: (laughs) "Well, thank you!"
J.C.: ".. And- and you announce me, and I'll take callers! And I can help people! I can give 'em advice on
relationships! I can give 'em career advice! I can tell them how to live better and closer to the Lord!"
Ian: "Now- Now I kno- Now I know the uni- the universe has been turned upside-down if I'm taking over for Ross
Mitchell. I know we're living in a-"
J.C.: "Oh, yes! And he's not the voice of God! He's- he's a demon! And I'm- You wait, Ross Mitchell! I'm
comin' for you too when you get on the air! I'm gonna set you straight!"
Ian: (quiet laugh) "Okay. Yeah."
J.C.: "And- Listen! Listen! Ian-"
Ian: "You know- You know there's no hope for me, don't you? I- I mean, I-"
J.C.: "Well- No! No! There IS hope for you Ian!.."
Ian: "No, there's no hope."
J.C.: "..Don't give up! That's what I'm trying to say is I'm trying to save you from the porn-"
Ian: "No, there's no hope for me. You know that-"
J.C.: "..of George; Art; corrupting you!"
Ian: "I'm tryin' to tell ya- All I'm trying to say- I- oh- See, I'm an Episcopalian."
J.C.: "You what?!"
Ian: "..so you should have given up on me a long ime ago!"
J.C.: "You need to leave the Episcopal Church!.."
Ian: "Eh.."
J.C.: "..All Episcopalians are goin' to Hell! I'm tellin' every single- I'm pointin' my finger at every single Episcopal
hypocrite heretic: You're goin' to Hell! You! If you don't get out of that false church!"
Ian: "Oh, no- I know- You know how you can tell when there's an Episcopalian at the communion?"
J.C.: "How?!"
Ian: "They're the ones that send the wine back!" (laughs)
J.C.: "Oh dear Lord! Ian! Listen! It's not- Listen!.." (out of breath)
Ian: (quietly containing laughter)
J.C.: "Episcopalians are evil! Did you know that? They're like-"
Ian: "Wait! Wait! I've got a question for you!"
J.C.: "Yes?"
Ian: "Is this Mike Siegel?"
J.C.: "WHO?!"
Ian: (laughing)
J.C.: "You dare insinuate that I am Mike Siegel! There may be no hope for you yet! I don't have to take that
kind of abuse!"
(click!)
Ian: (laughing) "All right, thank you!" (pause) "J.C.: Zero; Ian Punnett: One."
(6:44)
Home
