August 29, 1996
Art: "And now... West of the Rockies, you're on the air. Good morning."
Caller: "I have to take issue with.your little trip over to the Communist Soviet Union! If you really believe so
much that our country had to fight for so long to put them down, then why are you over there buildin' up the
Communists, and helping them re-establish their evil empire by, what you told me, giving valuable secrets
away to them!? And having your little shill; little Charlie call in and say the things that you're afraid to say
because you know that you will lose credibility, because all these years while the winds are shifting you play
like you're a Conservative, and now the winds shift and you're gonna be a little Liberal! Well, which is it,
mister?!"
Art: "What secrets do you think I gave them?"
Caller: "Sensitive radio production secrets regarding.HAARP 'cause you have your- your insiders who send
you those, those medals and such! And the fact that you would insinuate there is life on other worlds is simply
an act of trying to degrade the God-given status of the most sacred beings in the universe by saying that
we are not unique!"
Art: "Wait a minute. It was NASA that said there was life on Mars."
Caller: "That's right! And they're being controlled by forces from within
the Soviet Union, where I feel that you have gone back to get your
orders from the Kremlin! You are basically just- The way you basically
try to tear down Mr. Bob Dole by saying he cannot win against this
Liberal that is in our White House who is basically a Communist!"
Art: ('demonic') "You can't even imagine what they told me in the
Kremlin! You can't imagine it, sir, the secrets that I now have!"
Caller: "See, now?! You are afraid to speak to me in a rational way
because every time I cut you down and make you look a fool!
Every time!"
Art: ('demonic') "I have secrets that you can't imagine in your worst
nightmare!"
Caller: "You have to resort to that because you're afraid! My arguments are like razors that cut your
arguments apart!"
(Art begins playing "Classical Gas")
Art: ('demonic') "Slither me! Cut me!"
Caller: "You can't match me intellectually so you have to play around with your little radio toys and sell our
secrets to the Commies!"
Art: ('demonic') "I love my toys! Yes! I sold secrets!"
Caller: "If you like it so much over there, why don't you just stay!?"
Art: ('demonic') "Well I thought about it!" (laughs) "Ah, that's it! That's it! We gotta go! Too bad! I would have
enjoyed spending more time with, uh, the guy who thinks I'm the Devil's toe jam! This is CBC! Back in a
moment!"
("Classical Gas" fade-out)
(2:26)
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